


The One Where Hank is a Popstar

by hologram_of_fungi



Category: The Venture Bros
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Gay, Hatsune Miku - Freeform, M/M, Ridiculous, Vampires, this reads like a fever dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hologram_of_fungi/pseuds/hologram_of_fungi
Summary: Security at the Venture Compound has been extra tight lately because who knows and who cares? While everyone is supposed to lay low, Hank is risking his family’s security by going out and living a double life. Dean discovers one night that Hank has been holding secret concerts as the party girl popstar "Tonya", and her growing fame greatly threatens the security of their home. Dean is struggling between keeping everyone safe, and being as intrigued about the outside world as Hank is. Dean decides to go with to one of his brother’s shows to decide whether or not he’ll tattle on him.
Relationships: Dean Venture/Original Charater(s)





	The One Where Hank is a Popstar

**Author's Note:**

> Some info before we get into it:  
> This whole thing is based on a dream I had where Hank Venture was Ke$ha. Like 2000s era Ke$ha.  
> Less importantly, this takes place in an alternate universe where Hank and Dean stayed on the Venture Compound and are getting really antsy to leave. They're probably like 18 or 19. Dean is just getting out of his emo phase.

♫Wherever you are…

You are forever on my mind….

Wherever you are…

Know that our love will never die….♫

At 3am, Hank snuck back into the compound as quietly as he could, still hearing the screaming crowd and booming synths in his head. Glitter covered his hair and clothes, twinkling in the moonlight. He’d been sneaking out like this every other weekend for quite a while now, and was honestly surprised no one had caught on yet. But in turn, not getting found out was making him cocky. Without realizing it, he’d disregard how much noise he was actually making, or leave things out of place. Despite the confidence he held that his activities would remain secret, he was bound to get caught sooner or later. And tonight was going to be the night.  


He stumbled into his room and threw his stuff on the desk, not realizing that he had dropped his glitter dusted wig in the hallway, then he made his way to the bathroom to take a shower. After washing off the evidence of that night, he was surprised to open the door and see Dean, down from the attic, giving him a very tired yet quizzical look.  
“Oh! Hiya, Dean. You surprised me. What are you doing up?”  
“I had to pee.. What’s this?” He held up Hank’s wig limply.  
“Uhh… Oh that? That’s just part of a super secret side project I’ve been cooking up at Hank Co.”  
“What have you been up too..?” Dean’s eyes narrowed, but before he could continue, Hank covered his mouth.  
“Shh! Not out here.” Hank held the towel around his waist and led a struggling and irritable Dean back to his room, closing the door behind them.  


“Henry Allen Venture, what do you think you’re doing?”  
“Dean, I’m going to drop some top secret knowledge on you, but you gotta promise not to have a cow.” He said as he put on some pants.  
“Okay…”  
“Get ready, DeanO. You might wanna sit down for this.” He took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. “I don’t know how else to say this, but, I’m Tonya.”  
“What?” Hank was surprised at Dean’s lack of a reaction. “Hank, what does that even mean?” Hank explained in more detail, Dean pacing the room as he listened.  
“It all started with Shallow Gravy. We weren’t doing so hot at our gigs, so I took it upon myself to experiment with more costumes and characters, as I do. Well one day I just put on the wig and a ripped zebra print shirt, covered myself in glitter, and presto! Tonya was born. She’s really taking off too! And now I work at this rad venue,” he rambled on, “It’s really high tech. Wayyy out of Shallow Gravy’s ballpark. Oh! And then there’s my manager Mike Kerch. You’d really like him."  
“Wait, is this the same Tonya who was in the news for getting drunk and breaking into the zoo?”  
“Yep.”  
“And smoking glitter?”  
“Yes again.”  
“And drinking her own urine??”  
“The very same.” Hank reclined and crossed his arms behind his head, clearly very proud of his achievements.  
“Hank, what has gotten into you? We’re supposed to be laying low right now. We are on LOCKDOWN. This- what if this gets out?”  
“I don’t know what to tell you, DeanO. I have crafted a star, and now she has become bigger than the both of us. ”  
“Hank, I just can’t believe how irresponsible you’re being. You’re putting us in danger!”  
“Jeez, way to be a buzzkill.” Hank slumped.  
“Have you listened to Brock at all this week? If you did, you’d understand the gravity of this situation. But nooo, you’ve had your head in the clouds, wondering what innuendo you want to put autotune over next!”  
Officially grumpy, Hank stood up and raised his voice.  
“Man, I thought you’d be happy for me! This is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life! And you could totally get on it too if you wanted to! But instead, you gotta get all high and mighty on me.”  
“I’m sorry, but I can’t be happy for you when you’ve chosen such a shitty time to become famous! Look, we’ll talk about this in the morning, okay? I really need some sleep.” Dean now stood in the doorway, first angry, and now giving Hank a look almost like...he pitied him?  
“Fine.” Hank seethed in anger at Dean’s reaction to his double life. He was hoping he would jump at the opportunity to join him and get out of this place. To get off the compound and experience real life. I mean how fun would it be if Dean was in on it too? It would be like old times again, when they went on wacky adventures and enjoyed them together, as a team. Why did he have to be so uptight and rule abiding all the time? After all, they were always in danger. How was this time any different?

*  
The boys were visibly very tired during breakfast the next morning, and Brock took notice.  
“You boys…stay up late last night or something?” He clearly knew something was up.  
H.e.l.p.e.r. beep booped cheerfully and delivered bacon, eggs, and pancakes to the table.  
“Aw, rad! My pancake has a face on it!” Hank said. It indeed had a perfect chocolate chip smiley face. H.e.l.p.e.r. patted him on the head.  
“Nah, we were just woken up by the ventilation again.” Dean took a bite of egg on toast. “It kept making a clunking noise.”  
“Went on for hours.” Hank added. Despite their quarrel last night, Dean still had the sense to cover for Hank, which he greatly appreciated.  
“Dammit, again?” Brock said. “I thought I fixed that problem weeks ago!” 

Brock thought back to his last encounter with The Firestarter, a strange man who lived in the ventilation not unlike a rat, playing alternative techno music as he went, and occasionally scaring Dean in the night. (Dean thought his looming presence was a sleep paralysis demon). On Brock's last run in with him, he managed to cut deep into an artery before The Firestarter kicked him in the jaw and ran away dripping blood like a wounded animal.  
“Slippery little bastard…” Brock said under his breath. Then he sighed and got up, intending to fix the problem for good. But before walking away, reminded them, “Anyway, remember, no going off the compound for at least the next week or so. There’s word that Russian Guyovitch is cooking up something extra special for us, so we can’t afford to be without caution. Not until we have a better understanding of the situation.”  
“Russian Guyovitch??” Dean nearly spit out his toast.  
“Um… Why do we have to take extra precautions this time?” asked Hank, unshaken.  
Brock lit a cigarette and took a drag on it, refusing to tell him that it was because they were the last clones left and they couldn’t afford to live on the edge unless more could be made.  
“That’s classified information, Broken Arrow.” He then walked away, leaving Hank and Dean to discuss last night’s incident.

“Thanks for covering for me. Does this mean you’re cool with my double life now?”  
“No.”  
“Dean, why do you gotta be so uptight all the time? Tell you what,” Hank put an arm around his frowning brother. “Come with me to the venue next week and you can see for yourself.”  
“No, you heard Brock. It’s too dangerous!”  
“Dean, we’re always in danger. For once in your life, live a little. Please, you have no idea how much it would mean to me if you came.” 

Dean contemplated his brother’s words. He really did want to see him perform, and even more than that, he wanted to get off the compound and experience what it was really like out there in the big bad world. Maybe he’d make friends. Maybe he’d even have his first kiss. He liked to daydream about stuff like that. But he was scared. He knew something Hank didn’t know; that they were clones, and the last surviving ones at that. They were no longer invincible and couldn’t afford to take a wrong step. He just didn’t know how to tell him that. And now, with Hank as a public figure, the stakes were so much higher. Dean debated just putting it all out on the table, telling him the truth right then and there to knock some sense into him. To make him change his mind and go back. But he didn’t want to crush his dreams.  
“Okay. I’ll go. But Hank, if this ends up being a nightmare, I’m telling dad.”  
“DEAL!” Hank jumped for joy, but Dean had a knot in his stomach.  
Oh well, he thought, Whatever happens, staying on the compound forever is no way to live.  
“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “I’m going to...live a little.”


End file.
